when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
