If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
