So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
