I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
