Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
