There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
