chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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