I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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