I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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