Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
