u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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