Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
