My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
