I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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