dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
