LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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