Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
