i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
