Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
