Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
