How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize