I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
