i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
