I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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