Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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