i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
