By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
