you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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