Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
