you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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