Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
