somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
