You're my little dorito
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
