I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
