my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
