rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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