On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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