I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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