Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
