Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
