I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
