$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
