the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
