Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
