You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
