'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
