You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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