My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
