Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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