Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
